Your result for The Non-Sequitur Personality Test...

Coffee Stain

You scored 47% port wine jelly. 51% vindiction. 29% chin fuzz. 44 vacuums. Before your category, here's a quick word from our sponsors...

You are the Coffee Stain. You turn up when people are careless, reminding them why they should never overfill their mugs and why it's worth cleaning dishes, even if they're really busy. You're also a nasty fucker to get rid of once you have reminded people. Sometimes they're not lazy; sometimes they're just clumsy. Either way, they're stuck with you until they completely incinerate whatever you've become attached to.

SEEK: Journalists. Shift workers. People with addictive personalities. They won't have the sense to stop you from showing up and wreaking havoc several times.

AVOID: People who look like they spend a lot on dry-cleaning.

Also, if you really can't contain yourself, you can read up on all 27 categories for the Non-Sequitur Personality Test right here...

Used Notepad

31% Chance of Rain

Incorrect Subtitles

Burnt Cereal

Roadsign Obscured by Trees

Ghost Town

Surprise Immolation

Watermelon Fight!

Human Dominoes

Snow Machine!

Glitterball

Weather-beaten Memorial Statue

Coffee Stain

*no signal*

Stomach Pump

Faulty Compass

Cracked Jelly Mould

Broken Magic 8-Ball

Empty Slushie Maker

Nudist Resort

The Kilt

Year-Old Easter Egg

Unfinished Porn Film

Leftover Egg Salad

Footprint on the Ceiling

Golf-Ball Sized Hail

Unsolicited Surgery

Your result for What's Your Price?...

I'm worth $1192 million! (22 dealbreakers.)

You're almost priceless.

If we put you on the market, it looks like you'd be worth $1192 million. Of the 42 different scenarioes, you said you couldn't be bought on 22 of them.

For the record, every time you refused to do something for any amount of money, it added another $50 million to your score (hey, I had to assign it SOME sort of dollar value).

So, you're not easily bought. To score in this category, you must have said NO to at least 20 of the questions. It's easy for people to insist that they're not easily swayed by money, but it your case it seems that's actually the truth. There are plenty of values you hold onto dearly - which makes you someone other people can probably trust a lot. You stick to your principles, and that's something to be proud of!

Feel superior. Next to you, everyone else looks sort of cheap.

Want to try one of the other tests I've made? I can't pay you. But they're really good. Honest.

The Non-Sequitur Personality Test

Feel like a bit of randomness? This one's for you.

What Kind of Celebrity Would You Be?

Can you charm a massive legion of fans, or will you just wind up in rehab?

The Underwear Personality Test

Assuming you WEAR underwear.

The Shampoo Commercial Suitability Test

Are your locks luscious?

The Homicidal Maniac Test

My oldest test. Are you likely to wreak bloody havoc?

The Excessive Cuteness Tolerance Test

Puppies. Babies. Bunnies. Do you want to hug them, or dropkick them?

The Internet/SMS Literacy Test

Are you savvy when it comes to communicating online?

The Scatterbrain Test

Can you stay focu- ooh, look! An aeroplane!

Is Your Boss Evil?

The title kinda gives away what this one's about.

The Verbal Obscenity Test

Do you have a forked tongue? A potty mouth?

The Beverage Identity Test

Are you sweet and refreshing, or have you been spiked?

Take What's Your Price? at HelloQuizzy

Your result for The Find Your Philosophical Era! Test...

The Ancient

38% Ancient, 13% Medieval, 38% Modern and 13% Post-Modern!

Congratulations! You are: an Ancient!

Ancient philosophers share an unabashed elitism. Although the Greeks are considered to have invented democracy, they would have laughed to scorn many of our 21st-century democratic ideas. Ancient moral philosophy is slightly more hedonistic than anything that followed it; the Ancients had strict ideas about right and wrong, but the obsessive pursuit of perfection, the compulsive need to do one’s duty no matter the cost, belong to later eras. Being good was neatly tied up in the Ancient mind with being happy.

Rather than criticizing the work of their predecessors, Ancient philosophers found themselves alone in a bold new world. Their first attempts at studying the world are still some of the best. This is the era of Herodotus, the father of history, Euclid, the father of mathematics, and Plotinus, the father of meaningless metaphysical bullshit.

Some typical ancient philosophers: Plato, Aristotle, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Plotinus, Herodotus, Euclid

Some ancient artists: Homer, Virgil, Aeschylus, Sophocles, Euripides, Pindar, Sappho, Praxiteles

Typical ancient art forms: epic poetry, lyric poetry, farce, satire, sculpture, dialogue

Take The Find Your Philosophical Era! Test at HelloQuizzy